I went and saw Alexander last Saturday, but I just haven’t gotten around to writing a review. Or maybe it would be more correct to say that I wanted to be able to write a good review, and that’s why I have been putting this off. I like epics. Truth is, the movie just didn’t do it for me. And according to the Tomatometer on RottenTomatoes.com, the critics didn’t get anything out of it either, as the movie has a ROTTEN rating of 15%.
First, let’s take a look at what was good about the movie. I liked the sets, the costumes, and even to a certain extent, the music. I think as a purely artistic venture, the movie delivers quite well. The transition between settings was well done as well, moving from desert, to mountains, to jungle, all very fluidly.
I also liked Colin Farrell. To be honest, I didn’t have very high expectations for his performance, but I was pleasantly surprised. I never thought he could pull off a character like Alexander, but I think his performance in the movie was the best.
Now let’s get into what I didn’t like. My first gripe is that the movie was unnecessarily long, at 173 minutes total. And I have a suggestion for how they could have made it better – get rid of Anthony Hopkins‘ character. There really is no reason to have Old Ptolemy in the film, as all Hopkins does is tell a story. That could have been done using voice over on other scenes, saving probably 30 minutes off the film’s length. My second gripe is the casting. Don’t get me wrong, Angelina Jolie is pretty to look at, but considering she was only in maybe 30 minutes of the entire film, they could have picked someone else to play her role. She was too young looking, and her accent was weird – clearly not appropriate for the era. I suppose Val Kilmer gave a good performance, but he just looked out of place to me. It’s not like he did anything wrong, he just looked like he didn’t belong.
Actually that’s the feeling a lot of the characters gave. Perhaps the only one that was believable was Hephaistion, played by Jared Leto. He pulled off the gay lover thing to a T. And that would be my next gripe. Sure it’s historically correct, sure it was more common in those days, but really, did it need to be in the movie? I mean they didn’t show Alexander and Hephaistion going at it, so what’s the point of showing any kind of homosexuality? Obviously Hephaistion is important, and is the reason that Alexander dies, but their relationship could have been shown without the creepy gay undertones to get the same effect at the end.
My final gripe is that Alexander’s wife was not pretty at all. I apologize to you, Rosario Dawson, but you were clearly not right for the role. Or perhaps you were not utilized correctly. In fact, the only thing your presence did was make Alexander’s decision seem even more ludicrous than it was.
So there you have it, Alexander is not a movie I would recommend. Maybe the only other thing I liked about the movie was that at one point Asians were called “barbarians”. All of us got a good laugh out of that, especially Andrew. I guess I don’t know enough about Alexander to say whether or not it was really factually correct, but if it is, that’s probably the only reason I would give to watch the movie. Otherwise, spend your money on something more enjoyable!